Worthlessness

 I feel worthless. Like nothing. Never good enough and constantly feeling like a failure. And the sad truth is I'm indulging it, I don't want to get better. I want wallow and bleed it out. I want to feel shit and show myself I'm crap. And why? Maybe because it's comforting. I'm getting some kind of attention or validation from my pain. It's awful really. I feel like a shit person now because of it. It's so self pitying and pointless, but then it all feels pointless. I feel like I let everyone down. I feel empty. I feel like I'm a pathetic excuse for a person. I'm supposed to be a certain way..and I don't know how. I don't know how I can ever feel good enough and some days I just wish I could end it. Thank goodness for my children.  They keep me alert and focused. But I'm being such a shit mom. And I'm overwhelmed. And just truly sick of myself. 

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