Let It Out

Practice

Indulgent of course, but I am sick of feeling like I am the "practice" girl. The first girlfriend. The first wife. The one you lost your virginity to. The one you practiced on - and got WRONG. But it's okay as you got the practice in for the next one. The next time you fall in love or want to get your leg over - you'll have the experience from Rose. Even though honestly you were pretty shit. In both ways. At least you got some miles under your belt. You put the time in and let out your frustrations and anger on the first girl. The one in the front line cheering you on, the one who stood in the background letting know she was there. The one you left in the dust. But honestly what kind of man wants to focus on someone who doesn't really care or value themselves? That might be the most important question of all. 



On Lockdown 

To Rose, I think I am going to put you on lockdown. Down girl. Wind your neck in and cool off as it's not doing you any good. And you have those beautiful children to think of - they need their mom. How can you show Fern how to respect herself if this is the way you behave? So calm it down and reflect on that as she will be the one copying your behaviours one day. And you never want her to go through the same as you. You can't protect her from pain but you can help her build a sense of self to stand up against all the shit that may come her way. 






Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love is broken?

 I understand why people think love is broken. It can so easily fade, send you adrift and make you feel invisible. You will do anything to be special to them, to make them notice you, remember you...keep them interested. Bend yourself out of shape, manipulate yourself and cause yourself to drown. Sharing yourself without losing yourself?
Read more

Rose needs help

 I am scared that I will never obtain my dreams. I really want another baby, despite my recent fears. Maybe it will never happen now. Maybe my hubs doesn't want it as much as me. Maybe my body doesn't work, perhaps it would be easier to see it that way rather than feel like a controlling tyrant. I feel defeated some days, so I will just hide in my fantasy worlds. 
Read more

Let Me Drown

 When the pressure comes in vapour You breathe it in, you hold your breath, You let it rest. You fight the waves but your body is weary,  Your mind sick of it all, treading all that water. You say the right words but you're inhaling mouthfuls,  The poisonous brine silences your real meaning.  You choke and heave out its false truths,  Yet still swallow them down again next time.  Willingly sinking, dutifully drowning.   Emerging face down, one and the same. Just a floating body amongst the rest of them. 
Read more