Death

 Can I say sorry for changing? Sorry I grew differently? I suppose I developed and morphed into more of a person, maybe a person you didn't like or didn't want to be with. Maybe I became more animated, more needy, more eager for life and experiences.  Maybe you just wanted an easy time and I wasn't easy at all. 

I wish in so many ways that I was the way you wanted me. That I was the Rose you remember and loved with a special love of our own. But maybe I was meant to grow, to get better and it was simply too much. It may have felt deceitful as I changed into my truer self. Maybe you changed, I am sure you did somehow. Slowed down and resided yourself to the life around us with the bonuses of our family. But I wanted more, and felt selfish to ask but also desperately wanted. I felt trapped and invisible during covid, the pain of loneliness and isolation of being a new mom felt horrible. And I was simply too much when I asked more of you. For more support or a different effort. You couldn't or didn't want to give. And I withdrew and became more unhappy as a result. 

And now all I feel is a death.